Omg best thing I’ve ever seen
I love how everything is hinted subtlety and then the last one is just
She’s like “hold the fuck up did she really just do that? I quit”
I’d sit the hell down too
My dad and I were in a hotel and he tried the coffee and smiled and said “ahh, it’s like making love in a canoe.” and I said, “it’s that good?” and he stopped smiling and looked me in the eye and said, “no, it’s fucking close to water" before pouring it down the drain really dramatically and walking away.
She stood up, she was so nice, and she points to Jay-Z and was like, “Oh, we just watched you on the Kennedy Center Honors, you were so great. You were so cute in your little red dress.” And she said that I had a little red dress, which means that she actually watched it, or it means I was having a stroke and I imagined the entire thing.